Relationship Polygraph Testing: Commonly Asked Questions
When trust breaks down in a relationship, it’s hard to know what to do next. For some couples, a polygraph test may be a way to find clarity. In this blog, we will explore some of the most common questions asked about relationship polygraph testing. Polygraph testing, often called a "lie detector test," can be an essential tool in relationships where mistrust and uncertainty are threatening to tear things apart.
As an expert in relationship polygraph testing, and having been interviewed by a nationally recognized newspaper for couple testing, I can confidently say that my experience as a state-licensed Advanced Board-Certified Polygraph Examiner spans over 22 years. I’ve helped thousands of couples across all kinds of relationships, regardless of gender, race, or religion. At the core, all relationships share the same basic need—everyone wants to feel loved and valued. No one wants to feel used, betrayed, or lose the trust that forms the foundation of a relationship. Yet, many individuals enter into relationships without truly understanding or taking the time to get to know who they are dating, engaged to, or married to.
An Important Note to Readers: I often include this clarification in my blogs because many people get confused. When you read and observe the words "Polygraph Testing," "Polygraph Exam," or "Lie Detector Test," understand that these terms all mean the same thing. In the early days, everyone was more familiar with the term "Lie Detection Testing." Now, it is mainly called "Polygraph Testing" or "Polygraph Exams," which sounds more professional. So, do not be confused if these words are used interchangeably in this blog; they all mean the same.
Important Disclaimer: I am not a licensed therapist or marriage counselor. If your issues have reached a point where they are significantly affecting you, your children, or other important family members, it is crucial to seek professional counseling or therapy. The content of this blog is for informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as medical or therapeutic advice. As informed adults, you are responsible for making decisions that best suit your personal circumstances.
What is a Relationship?
Definition of Relationship: The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. Now nowhere in this definition does it say sexual relationship it says connected by two people. The sexual part always comes second. One must be connected first with the other by some bond or mutual communication, friendship, or common interest. Then after being interested in one another flirtation, bantering, and sexual flirting and then sexual acts occur.
The Reality of Cheating in Relationships
When people cheat on one another, let’s be clear: there’s no justification for it. Cheating is a selfish act that disregards the feelings of the person they’re attached to. Cheaters rarely, if ever, consider the pain, suffering, and long-term damage they’ll cause, especially when children are involved. Cheating is often about self-gratification. However, when someone decides to cheat, something has usually gone wrong in the relationship—whether it’s a lack of communication, intimacy, shared interests, or simply boredom. These issues build up, and instead of communicating and addressing them, some people seek fulfillment elsewhere.
When someone lets another person enter their life outside of their relationship, lies always follow. They lie to the new person, their friends, their family, their significant other, and most importantly, themselves. Cheaters justify their actions to feel better about their behavior.
For example, a man might tell the person he’s cheating with: “My girlfriend and I aren’t getting along, and we haven’t had sex in a long time.” Then, he’ll lie to himself, saying, “The sex with this other woman didn’t mean anything; it was just sex.” However, when the cheating continues, it becomes clear that it wasn’t just about sex. Similarly, a woman might tell herself, “My boyfriend never pays attention to me; this is just a one-time thing,” but the lies pile up when the affair continues.
The cheater isn’t usually thinking about how they’re hurting their partner. They’re more concerned about getting caught, being called names, or losing their family, but not about the emotional harm they’re causing.
The Aftermath of Discovering Infidelity
When someone suspects or catches their partner doing something inappropriate, what happens next? Yelling, screaming, name-calling, and sometimes threats or violence. Often, there’s an overwhelming amount of tears, sleepless nights, unhealthy eating habits, and a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. You ask countless questions, but your significant other may only give partial answers or continue to lie.
In these situations, you need to ask yourself what you want from the relationship. Do you want to stay? Seek custody of your children? Divide property? Or are you willing to give your partner a second chance? Some people turn to relationship/marriage counseling or therapy for whatever issues may arise at the time like sexual addiction, drug addiction, or infidelity. Others may immediately consider having their significant other take a polygraph test to get answers.
Many people mistakenly think polygraph tests are only for criminal investigations. That’s simply not true. These days, polygraph tests are used in all kinds of situations, including relationship issues. If you suspect your partner of infidelity or any other inappropriate behavior, you can ask them to take a polygraph test. They may agree or they may ask you to take one, but at least the offer is on the table.
Common Questions About Relationship Polygraph Testing
Now, let’s dive into some of the most common questions I get asked by people considering a polygraph test for their relationship:
“My partner is an excellent liar. Could they beat the polygraph because of their lying ability?”
This is the most frequent question I receive, and the answer is a resounding no. Regardless of how skilled someone may be at lying, they cannot 'beat' a properly administered polygraph test when conducted by an expert examiner. If the examiner is experienced and takes the necessary time during the interview and testing process, the test will accurately reveal the truth. However, if you hire an inexperienced examiner or one who rushes through the process, it’s possible for the individual to manipulate the results. They won’t beat the polygraph test.. they will beat the examiner. That’s why it’s crucial to hire a highly qualified and experienced polygraph examiner.
A Real-Life Example: A man once called my office, eager to test his wife for suspected infidelity. I informed him that I was fully booked but could schedule the test in just a few days. He was impatient and said he couldn’t wait, so I advised him not to rush into testing elsewhere. I explained that the quality of examiners varies, and rushing could lead to results he might regret. Despite my warning, he decided to go ahead with a different examiner.
A few days later, the same man called me again, urgently requesting a test. He had already had his wife tested, and although she passed, he didn’t trust the results and suspected something was off. I scheduled the test for the following day, and after conducting my own extensive polygraph examination, the woman failed and admitted to cheating with the man her husband had suspected all along.
When I asked how she had passed the previous examiner’s test, she explained that she was friendly with the examiner and that his questions and interview process were not nearly as thorough as mine. The husband was both relieved with the truth and furious about the lack of experience and professionalism from the first examiner.
This story highlights the importance of not rushing the process and trusting that cheaper isn’t always better. A liar is a liar, whether tested today or a few days later—so take your time and hire an experienced examiner.
“When I am questioned by my significant other about suspected cheating/infidelity, they never believe me. How will a polygraph help our situation?”
This question is commonly asked, especially by women. In relationships, mistrust often stems from past lies or withheld information, whether small, like forgetting to take out the trash, or more significant, like who you're texting. Over time, these small deceptions can erode trust. A polygraph test offers an impartial way to prove your honesty and innocence, as it is conducted by a professional with no prior connection to either party.
The examiner, ideally an experienced, professional, and unbiased one, will ask questions and get to the facts without taking sides. However, it's important to understand that a polygraph cannot make someone believe something they refuse to accept. If your partner still doesn't trust you after you pass a polygraph test, that’s a major red flag. It suggests that no matter what you do, they may never believe you again. At that point, it might be time to make a serious decision about your future and, if applicable, the future of any children involved.
“How do I know my partner won’t bribe or sweet-talk the examiner in passing them?”
I can’t tell you how often I’ve heard this question from men. To be honest, I find it offensive, as my integrity is far more important than any accusation of taking a bribe or being swayed by someone flirting enough to make me want to lose my license as a result. This question typically comes from men who are insecure in their current relationship and themselves. They may have trust issues from being cheated on in the past, or perhaps they’ve been unfaithful themselves and gotten away with it. In some cases, their distrust of women stems from their upbringing or previous experiences. So, when they ask this question, it usually falls mainly on them. Not to say that a desperate woman will not do something to ensure getting help or avoid getting into more trouble with her significant other if she has done something inappropriate.
While it’s true that a desperate person might try to manipulate the situation, an experienced and professional examiner will not fall for flirting or any attempt at bribery. Protecting one's license and reputation far outweighs any short-term gain. Additionally, in many states, including mine, which is Virginia, all polygraph tests must be video recorded. This means the results are fully transparent, and copies of the recordings can be reviewed to ensure no misconduct occurred during the process.
“I swear I overheard my partner having sex with someone else while I was on the phone with them. Will a polygraph prove I'm right?”
This concern often comes from insecure men, as well as those who believe they are technologically savvy enough to detect anything, like a CIA operative. In my years of experience, I can tell you that only a total of four cases—two men and two women—have ever brought me recordings (whether video or sound bites) where what they thought they had heard on the phone was correct. In these cases, what they heard was indeed verified through polygraph testing, and the other party admitted to the behavior. However, for all the other thousands of cases, the so-called recordings that people swore were proof of their significant other cheating were incorrect. What they thought they heard was wrong.
The mind can play tricks on you, especially when you're convinced your partner has cheated. Some people go to great lengths, planting recording devices in cars, bedrooms, and other places, hoping to catch their partner in the act. When they think they have, they listen to the recording over and over, convincing themselves that what they’re hearing is their significant other having sex, even without physical evidence or ever having caught them in the act. But they are often mistaken.
A Real-Life Example: A man once brought me a recording, convinced it was proof of his wife having sex with another man. He claimed to hear her having an "O" and was furious. We listened to the recording multiple times, even enhancing it. The man went as far as describing the other man, despite the recording being audio only. In reality, the recording was of a TV show where two actors, a man and a woman, were talking, and the woman was out of breath after being chased. There was no sexual content. Despite this, the man still believed his girlfriend had cheated, even after I tested her and confirmed there was no infidelity.
Another Real-Life Example: A woman once brought in a video she claimed showed her man having sex with someone else. The video was blurry, and all she could see was a man’s back and a black smudge on his right arm, which she believed looked like her partner’s tattoo. The video, which she found on a porn site, wasn’t clear enough to identify anyone. After testing her partner, it was confirmed that the man in the video was not him. The woman later admitted that after watching the video over 20 times and arguing with her partner, she convinced herself it was him, even though he had told her the truth all along.
In conclusion, if you reach a point where you feel the need to record your partner, trust has already been broken in the relationship. At this stage, you've given up your independence and freedom by allowing this level of insecurity to take over. It's time to either move on and let them go, or stay and stop complaining.
“Can I bring my own questions to the polygraph test?”
Yes, you can bring questions, but don’t bring 10-20 and expect all of them to be asked during the exam. A professional polygraph examiner will abide by the golden rule of any polygraph and will typically ask no more than four questions. If you find yourself with a long list of questions, that may indicate deeper issues in your relationship that need to be addressed outside the scope of the polygraph. The examiner will review the questions that you bring and will work with you to formulate clear, concise, and relevant questions in a professional manner. No examiner in this country will ask and question anyone with 10-20 questions. If you do find an examiner that will ask that many. The test is invalid, and they are not professional, and they are just taking your money.
“Can I force my partner to take a polygraph test?”
No. Polygraph tests are voluntary, and you cannot force anyone to take one. You can request or suggest it, but your partner must agree to take the test of their own free will.
In closing, if you’re serious about getting a polygraph test to address a relationship issue or any other important matter in your life, be sure to hire an experienced professional polygraph examiner.
If Executive Protection Group Polygraph Service can help you, please don’t hesitate to call us to schedule your real, authentic, professional polygraph examination to resolve your important matter.
Take the pivotal step towards peace of mind by connecting with Mr. David Goldberg, the founder of Executive Protection Group Polygraph Service. With over a combined 30 years of experience in administering polygraph examinations as an Advanced Board-Certified Polygraph Examiner and Investigator, Mr. David Goldberg brings unparalleled expertise.
Our mission at Executive Protection Group Polygraph Service is clear: to eliminate doubts and ensure you find the closure you deserve to move forward in your life. Specializing in comprehensive and confidential polygraph examinations, we serve clients in Hampton Roads, including Virginia Beach, Norfolk, Chesapeake, Portsmouth, Newport News, Suffolk, Hampton, and beyond. Led by Mr. David Goldberg, a Virginia State Licensed Advanced Board-Certified Polygraph Examiner and nationally recognized expert, our commitment is to deliver immediate, reliable, and accurate results.
To explore how we can assist you further, review our polygraph services or call Executive Protection Group Polygraph Service today to schedule your polygraph examination. Take the first step towards resolution and peace of mind with us.
