The Risks of Leading Questions: How Parents, Grandparents, and Guardians Can Unintentionally Harm a Child's Credibility in Serious Matters
In this blog, we will explore a serious topic that often involves parents, grandparents, and guardians questioning children and teens when they suspect something may have happened to them. Many well-meaning adults ask leading questions, which can unintentionally harm the child, undermine any potential case, and even lead to serious issues for the adults. This is especially significant when the child or teen eventually sees a professional, and the real facts and truth are found through taking a polygraph test.
With over two decades of experience as a Licensed, Advanced Board-Certified Polygraph Examiner and court-certified expert in cases involving child, teen, and adult sexual abuse, I have administered more than 18,000 examinations, including FBI cases on child exploitation. I’ve seen firsthand how improper questioning from adults can make cases unprosecutable, often due to the overbearing or aggressive approach taken by a parent, guardian, or other adult. My goal in writing this is to provide educational guidance, helping you avoid the mistakes others have made. By understanding this information, you can be better prepared if your child or teen’s case involves a polygraph examination, which may later play a role in court or a criminal matter.
An Important Note to Readers: I often include this clarification in my blogs because many people get confused. When you read and observe the words "Polygraph Testing," "Polygraph Exam," or "Lie Detector Test," understand that these terms all mean the same thing. In the early days, everyone was more familiar with the term "Lie Detection Testing." Now, it is mainly called "Polygraph Testing" or "Polygraph Exams," which sounds more professional. So, do not be confused if these words are used interchangeably in this blog; they all mean the same.
The Impact of Unresolved Trauma on Parenting
Throughout my experience, I’ve noticed a common thread among many parents, particularly women, who carry significant unresolved trauma. While this isn’t true of all parents, guardians, or grandparents, many individuals I’ve worked with have been impacted by past experiences they’ve kept private—some out of embarrassment, others due to fear of judgment or being labeled as attention-seekers, or simply because they lacked support when it happened and learned to carry it alone. Some even hold deep-seated fears that those around their children could harm them in the same way they were hurt growing up. These burdens are deeply personal and theirs alone to carry, without judgment. However, when trauma remains unaddressed, it can sometimes spill over into their parenting, leading to unintended consequences.
The Consequences of Leading Questions
Consider this example: A young child returns from a weekend with their father and mentions discomfort in their private area. A mother, hyper-vigilant and distrusting due to her own unresolved trauma or a difficult separation, may instinctively ask a leading question like, “Did Daddy hurt you down there?” This type of question can easily confuse a young child who lacks the language or articulation to accurately explain their feelings. A simple nod, blank stare, or “yes” can set off a chain reaction—accusations, yelling at the father, police involvement, calls to CPS, and assumptions of guilt—all without evidence and often driven by the adult’s fears or past trauma, compounded by inappropriate, leading questions.
Another example: A young girl aged 6-7 may have a rash or urinary issues below. The girl (daughter) tells her separated father and he goes to get her medication. The father has the girl put the medication on herself. The daughter is then returned home to her grandmother. The father lets the grandmother know what occurred over the weekend and about the ointment. Later that night or a day later, the daughter is claiming that she is still hurting. The grandmother checks her granddaughter out and feels that it is not a rash or a urinary tract infection. The grandmother now thinks that the father sexually molested the child. The grandmother feels this way due to her past trauma, the dislike of the father, or hearing horror stories from her daughter about the father.
Now questions arise from the grandmother to the grandchild, “Did your Dad touch you down there, dear?”, “Did your dad put his finger near your Coo Coo?”. The child, fearful of what to say, tells the grandmother “Yes” or just stares at her. Once again, the grandmother doesn’t call the father. Instead, she takes the child to the doctor or hospital and says the father sexually molested the child by placing his finger inside the child’s vagina. By law, the doctor must report it, and the police get involved.
A Reminder on Responsible Questioning
As I have said, shame on the parents, grandparents, and guardians for the poor way you question your children and jump to immediate conclusions of abuse or sexual abuse, instead of considering your own past trauma. The questions should focus on what happened and why the child is hurting. Asking open-ended questions such as, “What happened?” or “Can you tell me where it hurts?” allows children to express themselves without being influenced. Allow the child to explain if they can; if not, let a professional physician examine them and make the decision to call CPS or the police—not you, the adults, who risk ruining the lives of innocent individuals.
The Lasting Impact of False Accusations
As a professional court-certified examiner, I have cleared the names of innocent fathers, sitters, daycare workers, and single parents—all due to poor, leading questions posed by one parent to a child. When testing teens or older children, I have also uncovered the real truth through forensic interviews. So, please, unless you want the judge to admonish you in court for making false and fabricated allegations, risking your parental rights, and wasting the time of physicians, emergency room staff, and police, avoid these leading questions.
Being a concerned parent is commendable; it shows love and care for your child. However, don’t assume that every adult in your child’s life is a pedophile, predator, or sexual deviant. Be cautious about whom your child spends time with, but don’t immediately assume that if your child is sick, hurt, or sad, they were sexually abused—especially by a separated partner or ex you dislike. Use common sense, and treat others as you would want to be treated.
Being in the criminal justice system unfairly is something people do not easily recover from. When parents or guardians are falsely accused of physical or sexual abuse of their child, it takes a serious toll on both them and the child, often impacting them for a long time.
In closing, while there are indeed people who prey on minors and teens, please don’t go through life assuming everyone is a threat to your child due to your own past trauma. By doing so, you may unintentionally hurt your child and miss the opportunity to seek the support you may need to heal and grow stronger. As a concerned parent, it’s natural to take action if your child seems out of the ordinary, but when questioning them, avoid leading questions that could harm your child’s case or put you in legal trouble for making false accusations against an innocent person. The consequences could last a lifetime for everyone involved. If you believe a polygraph test could provide clarity, don’t hesitate to seek a qualified, experienced professional.
If Executive Protection Group Polygraph Service can help you, please don’t hesitate to call us to schedule your real, authentic, professional polygraph examination to resolve your important matter.
Take the pivotal step towards peace of mind by connecting with Mr. David Goldberg, the founder of Executive Protection Group Polygraph Service. With over a combined 30 years of experience in administering polygraph examinations as an Advanced Board-Certified Polygraph Examiner and Investigator, Mr. David Goldberg brings unparalleled expertise.
Our mission at Executive Protection Group Polygraph Service is clear: to eliminate doubts and ensure you find the closure you deserve to move forward in your life. Specializing in comprehensive and confidential polygraph examinations, we serve clients in Hampton Roads, including Virginia Beach, Norfolk, Chesapeake, Portsmouth, Newport News, Suffolk, Hampton, and beyond. Led by Mr. David Goldberg, a Virginia State Licensed Advanced Board-Certified Polygraph Examiner and nationally recognized expert, our commitment is to deliver immediate, reliable, and accurate results.
To explore how we can assist you further, review our polygraph services or call Executive Protection Group Polygraph Service today to schedule your polygraph examination. Take the first step towards resolution and peace of mind with us.
